went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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