Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
