Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
