I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
