I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
