Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
