I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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