Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
