I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
