I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
