i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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