I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
