he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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