Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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