You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
