i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
