soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
