He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
