thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
