ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
