I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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