I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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