im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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