allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize