Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
