you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
