boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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