i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have post one night stand depression
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
