hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
