I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
