before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
