Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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