I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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