I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
