hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
