it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
