Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
