wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
