so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
