It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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