I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
