So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
