I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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