i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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