Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize