Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
