You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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