When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
