it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
