its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We got so high we made milksteak
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
