My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
