Non-Jews are for practice
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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