You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
