I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
