one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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