i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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