someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is puke in my bra ... again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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