I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
