hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this will be a night to untag.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
