Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
