the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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