apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize