2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
