Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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