Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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