don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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